I've had a good night.
My close friend is soon to be married, and I am feeling optimistic for the near future. But it gets me to thinking very deep thoughts, ones that had never occured to me in my folly-filled youth (ha).
I always took for granted the goings-on and relationships that occured around me amongst couples. Always observant, never partaking (not of them, I mean... of coupling off, myself). It's funny, this observing.
It's a lot like watching the news from another country, yet never visiting the place. The jealousy of watching a simple act of affection like hand holding or cuddling combined with the dread that every relationship ends with the stuff of nightmares. It's vicarious amour.
As a relult of my proxy-viewing over the course of my none-too-shabby lifetime, I am mature, yet inexperienced. Educated but not practiced. Does this put me at an advantage or disadvantage? I am wise with a clean slate. I am speaking strictly of relationships, not sex. I'm in no presumptive position to assume that they are always connected for every couple.
I wonder these things, but do other people think them too? Do they have the same challenge as I, going into it at a later point in time?
It was always that all of my friends were dating someone all the time, always, since I was thirteen and I was the one...just not. any thoughts? I'll probably regret this very personal post in the morning, but it actually feels very releasing to put these words down, knowing that some awesome person somewhere in the world will read it and maybe feel or understand me in some way.
Oh! And hey, I just got a twitter, @hedgebanknun. Still figuring it out a bit, but slowly getting the hang. And check out the lovely portraits my talented sister did of me! I'll have a look-about of the makings of a boudoir vanity involving portraits in a future post.
Gah, I need to hit the hay. G'night world.
